well, today has kind of just sucked... Shes not talking to me at all and that is a sure sign that she's with him. guess I'm too much of a buzz kill to talk to when she's out on a date. Can't blame her though.
I wish things were alright between her and I but I've come to the conclusion that I honestly don't think I'd be able to handle things going back to the way they were. I've got to the point where I can't see her the same way, they say love makes you tolerant, I think it must have really done some sort of magic because I can't stand her now. I still find myself wanting to be around her all the time though. it bothers me. I don't want to be withing 100 miles of her yet she pops up and I'm suddenly right next to her, smiling, laughing, enjoying myself. I don't think its ok to do that anymore. I'm going to try and change it. She's made it clear she has time for him, not me, so why should I make myself available to her?
I did manage to get to town with my sister, she made me drive so I got more time in. I still hate merging. We ran to walmart and got some food for her kids, I got 2 coffee cups that I liked the shape of, they're covered in ugly hearts though. Hopefully I can think of some way of reinventing them. Modge Podge has never failed me before.
We also ran by the store Bead Song so I could find some center pieces for the hemp jewelry I've been making. I ended up getting a few beads but only enough to make 2 chokers.
We then ran by Mc D's to get my mom some food. the man there was very nice however he thought I was also a man and called me "Sir" it made me laugh. I don't mind being gender queer. I think we should all do it at least once in a while.
I'm making some hemp barefoot sandals right now, nothing fancy, not even any beads. I love the way they look.
I'm thinking about reading back through some of the books I love. I need a pick me up right now. I love the way reading can change everything. for a moment you don't matter or even exist in the grand plot of things.
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